Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Tessa. By little, I mean everyone thought she looked like she was maybe fourteen years old. She had recently just turned twenty.

It bothered her to no end when people commented on her small stature and young appearance. Mostly because people would say things like, "oh, Tessa looks like she might be twelve!" Things were especially bad when she was mistaken by strangers as much too young to be driving or purchasing alcohol or the like.

Depending on who said what and the severity of the insult, Tessa's reaction varied a bit. Typically her face would glaze over and there'd be a murderous glint in her eye. Occasionally, the person talking would be likely to get a black eye. More often than not, a tirade of swear words would follow. Words people would think a little girl like Tessa shouldn't even know. This story won't cover the time Tessa almost had her mouth washed out with soap by the old lady down the street.

One day, while walking in the staircase forest, Tessa came across a strange man with a top hat and dusty double breasted coat. He had a little shack with a big sign on top that said "Marvelous Potions and Tinctures". The man's head and top hat poked out of the big hole cut out on the front of the shack, his lower half hidden from view within the dark hut. His thin moustache gave Tessa the creeps, particularly so when he opened his mouth to reveal yellow teeth.

"Why hello, child," he said.

Tessa's face started to go red and she frowned.

"What is the matter, little one?" the man asked.

"Everyone calls me 'young' or 'little' and it's annoying!" Tessa pouted.

The man with the top hat frowned thoughtfully. "Hmmmm," he hummed, "I think I have something that might solve that."

He rustled around in his shop, making a large ruckus and disrupting most of the bottles in his shop.

"Here we are," he said, holding a bottle triumphantly. "This is just the thing." He handed the bottle to Tessa, who took it with some reserve.

The label on the bottle read:

For big or small, if you desire to be opposite that is what you will be! Simply drink four tablespoons before going to bed. NEW AND IMPROVED! This new forumla effects the clothes you're wearing too! No longer worry about making a fool of yourself! WARNING: May have undesirable effects that are your own problem. We're certainly not liable.

Tessa looked up at the man who grinned back at her with his hideous teeth. "Uhh how much do I owe you?" she asked.

The top hat man chortled with laughter. "No charge, my dear, just promise me one thing." He paused for dramatic effect. "Promise me you won't come back when the potion starts working. If you promise me that you can have it for free."

Tessa, wanting to be away from this silly top hat man mumbled something that might have been a promise. The man chuckled again and opened a hatch somewhere on the floor of his shack. He started walking down stairs that Tessa couldn't see, and disappeared from sight.

The rest of Tessa's day remained uneventful until right before bedtime. She was in the bathroom looking at herself in the mirror, the mysterious potion resting on the counter.

"I bet it won't even work," Tessa said to herself.

She uncorked the bottle, and a thin green wisp of stink eagerly wafted out. Tessa gagged. Hopefully it tastes better than it smells, she thought. She decided not to bother with a tablespoon (since that was all the way downstairs) and promptly drank half the bottle. Fortunately for her, she drank about four tablespoons anyway and didn't drink the lethal douse of four tablespoons and a quarter.

Setting the bottle down with a shudder racing down her spine, Tessa brushed her teeth and went to bed.

The night passed slightly less uneventfully than the day had, what with the bedroom gnomes having a great battle while Tessa slept. Sadly, she missed the entire thing and woke up to find no evidence of the brave gnomes that gave their lives for freedom of the quilt.

Tessa immediately went to the bathroom to check the mirror. Her reflection stared back at her with absolutely no change. A little disappointed but not very surprised, Tessa got dressed and headed downstairs for breakfast.

Instead of finding her family eating their own breakfasts happily, she discovered a note on the fridge that said "Went shopping. Thought that little girls should have their petite beauty sleep."

Tessa exploded. Not literally, of course, otherwise this story would've been written by Stephen King or something. Instead all her pent up rage and frustration caused the potion, which until this time had been resting happily in her stomach, to surge up and course through her body.

Her legs were the first to shoot up about five feet, making her nearly hit her head on the ceiling.

"Uh oh," she gasped.

Tessa frantically made her way to the back door, so as to let herself outside and give her growing room. She reached out for the door handle and her left arm grew four feet.

"Crap."

Using her new limbs awkwardly, Tessa successfully navigated her body outside and stood in the middle of the backyard. Her right arm caught up to her left arm, and both continued to grow at a steady rate. Her head reached about fifteen feet now, with her legs continuing to elongate.

Three minutes later, Tessa was as tall as her house, roughly thirty feet. Her growing legiments seemed to have stalled for the time being.

"Phew," she let out a sigh of relief. "I hope that's it."

The potion must've heard this, for the next second she shot up another five feet, and continued to have bursts of growth for another three minutes. The liquid had finally coursed through Tessa's now incredibly tall body and was resting dormant, keeping everything working optimally.

Tessa was now more of a scale model of herself. Truthfully, had everything around her been about ten times its size, she would have looked her normal size.

About this time, Tessa's rage had subsided substantially. Unfortunately, her family returned home at this time and proceeded to the backyard. Someone screamed and her dad fainted. Now it's unclear who said it (although it's pretty easy to guess), but someone made a comment about always being her little girl (not exactly the thing to say at this point) which threw Tessa back into rage mode.

Her rampage lead her through the city, destroying buildings and crushing cars. Incidentally, there were no casualties during this natural disaster so don't even ask. It did cause substantial damage to the city, and property damage was such a large number that people wondered whether the government would throw a stimulus package our way. That's another story, though.

During her blind rage, Tessa kept her promise to the top hat man. It's a wonder whether or not she should have gone back to crush his little shop. In some way, it could be argued that he was responsible.

Before the sun had set, the potion had done its trick and Tessa began to shrink rapidly. She was found by the entirety of the local police and fire departments curled in a ball sleeping. It was most fortunate that she was found in such a way, it helped cool down the tension felt by the raving mob that was trying to break past the police and fire personnel.

Tessa woke up feeling fine the next morning. Few people call her "little girl" anymore. Those that do are quickly hushed by everyone else in the room, usually with everyone elses' elbows or other joints that leave a bruise.

There's probably a moral somewhere around here. It's likely something along the lines of "don't call Tessa a twelve year old". That doesn't seem very helpful for other people. Oh well, can't win them all. Happy bithday anyway!